There I was. Standing in the 'Water Sports' section of the Surf House on the corner of Tärtu Mnt and Väike-Karja. Finally. After spotting this fine looking sporting goods store on a previous visit to Tallinn, I've made it in to have a look around; and it wasn't disappointing me. Endless walls of sporting pleasure. Suddenly a little twitch from the backside of my underpants. I look around. "Where is the WC(water closet)?" I'm not seeing it. I spot a staff member. First thoughts cross my mind; "I hope she can understand my english?" I approach her with the cautious question. "Is there a water closet I could use?" She responds. "Yes, there is, but I am just on my way to use it." Relieved, I accept her response and converse back, "OK, I will wait then until you have finished." She nods her approval. A few minutes later she returns and escorts me to the toilet. I thank her gratefully and make my way through the door. Upon entering, I observe the magazine rack and reach towards it while simultaneously dropping my trousers and taking my seat on the throne. "Ahhhhhh.............. a quick release of the chocolate hostage and I'll be back on my way to shopping bliss! Ugghhhhh, ugghhhhhhhhhhhh.........no fiber in that one!" I return the soiled magazine back to the rack. I stand. Trousers still at my ankles I reach for the flush buttons on top of the toilet. "This one's going to require the 'full' flush button for sure!" Wooshhhhhhhhhhhh.........the water runs past my hostage.
"Hmmmmmm.......wasn't expecting a double flush? I'll take this time to pull up my trousers and have a wash" I think to myself, "while I wait for the bowl to refill." Hands are washed; "I'll try this again." Wooooooooooshhhhhhhh..........I stare down the hole in amazement. "He hasn't budged." I frantically tap the button again. Nothing. I hear the door handle wiggle. Someone wants in. "Hmmmmm........ not good, I think I must abort. Maybe the toilet has malfunctioned?" I settle the lid back down over the hole and unlock the door. I exit the closet. A man from the shop enters. "Will he understand that it wasn't my fault? I tried twice; the TOILET was unforgiving!" I try to reassure myself. "Or was it my 30cm hostage that refused to turn the corner and slither down into the abyss like usual? I can't take that chance." The man locks the door behind him. My pace and heart rate quicken as I shuffle past the till and the woman who had helped me out and I thank her on my way out the door as I exit. My mind is not clear. "Have I made it out clean or has he already returned to expose my dirty little secret to his co-worker. Was this the right decision?" I hop into my fogged up car. I turn on the ignition and fasten my seat belt. My mind is wandering as I put the stick in reverse and let out the clutch. "Will I be able to return to this shop one day; will I be exposed?" I shift back into 1st and prepare my mind for the daunting task of downtown Tallinn's roads. I let out on the clutch and proceed towards the street I am trying to reach. Honnnnnnnnnnnk.............is my greeting. "What? Oneway street? How could I have missed that?" My foot hits the accelerator and I speed into a right hand turn to exit onto 'my' street. "Phewwwwwww, that was close!" "Okay, focus. Defog on; check. Correct street; check. Now lets finds a coffee shop so I can sip some java and debrief from this traumatic experience." :)
